InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Who's on first?"

dr. meredith grey. (drgrey) wrote,
@ 2008-09-29 20:35:00

psl scene 001
Meredith Grey should have known. That was the understatement of the year and it was getting stated over and over in her head. She should have known. Should have known that it was stupid to get involved with her boss. Should have known that it was even more stupid to to think that she might pick her, choose her over his perfect wife with her perfect hair and her perfect surgical skills and her just damn perfection. She should have known and this? Wasn't like her. She was supposed to be the smart and realistic one, and yet here she was, being stupid like someone had given her a full frontal lobotomy. It was like Derek had gone in, being his perfect neurosurgeon self, and removed her lateral frontal cortex leaving her with only basic instincts and basic functions. Although, even her instincts were betraying her, lately. Pick me, Choose me, Love me. It had been her instinct that Derek loved her, that he would choose her and once again, her instincts failed her.

Now, she sat cross-legged on a gurney in the main hall at six o'clock in the morning, trying to do the paperwork for a patient that had been admitted an hour ago with headaches, vomiting, nausea, papilledema, and fatigue. It looked to her like Hydrocephalus, which meant she was going to have to get a Nuero consult, which meant she was going to have to interact with Derek. Except, she'd given the patient Phenergan for the nausea and asprin for the headache so she could afford another half hour to wake up and stop yawning before she had to go deal with Der-- Dr. Shepherd. She was going to force herself to disengage. He hadn't picked her. She needed to get over it. Der-- Dr.Shepherd was a jerk and she deserved better. Yep, she did. .. Okay, so maybe she would pass this case off to Cristina.

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dshepherd
2008-09-30 02:33 pm UTC (link)

It had been an ungodly long day. Hell, it had been an ungodly long week. In fact, it seemed like he was losing track of time. How long had it been since she had shown up? Addison had miraculously pulled herself away from the arms of his best friend Mark Sloane to pop up at the most inopportune time possible. Everything had been going well with Meredith, despite her late night tequila binges and lack of any sort of self confidence. Never, in his deepest, darkest nightmares had he ever imagined Addison coming to Seattle Grace. Derek himself had taken comfort in a few shots or more of Meredith's beverage of choice as of late, especially with the decision that was put on his plate. Meredith or Addison? The intern that he was in love with, or the doctor who he had loved, who cheated on him with his best friend? The choice didn't really seem quite as hard if you were looking in from the outside, but when you were placed in his position..

It was easy to pin Addison as the devil; to make everything bad that had ever happened in his life into some evil plot of hers. It wasn't that way, though, and he knew that in the back of his head. There were loving moments in front of the fireplace during the winters in New York, Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries.. It seemed like so much to give up. Not that Meredith wasn't important to him at all, he felt more deeply for her than he had for any other girl. Except Addison.

The thoughts were still swirling around in his head as he walked into the building, his coat dripping puddles on the tile floor from the recent rainstorm (or never ending rainstorm, as it seemed). The chief nodded in acknowledgment to him as he passed by to check out the surgery schedule board. If there was one thing to be said about Seattle Grace, it was never boring. Automatically, as if programmed to do so, he headed into the locker room for a quick and rehearsed change into his scrubs before heading over to the nurses station, but someone stopped him on his way. Meredith was seated upon a gurney, staring intently yet somewhat vacantly at a pile of charts in her lap. His legs stopped moving for just a moment, deciding whether or not to stop.

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drgrey
2008-09-30 03:43 pm UTC (link)

This was going on her thirteenth hour today and it was an understatement to say that it had been a long day. Meredith didn't really like to think how hard it was for Derek, because that meant that she would have to feel empathetic for him and she couldn't. Because either way she looked at it, he lucked out. Either way he picked, whether he picked the perfect wife or her, he had someone and Meredith was stuck being alone. She was left abandoned. They had learned in medical school, in the required psychological courses, that abandonment was a primal human fear. People needed connections, they needed to feel wanted and loved. Meredith used to think she didn't need that, that she was fine with just being Meredith Grey, daughter of Surgeon Ellis Grey and concentrating on being a doctor. The last eight years she had been fine because she was working to be a doctor, working to be a surgeon, working to be the best.

Then Derek happened and now she was actually alone with her sick mother who didn't know her, no father and labs to do and no surgeries to scrub in on. She remembered, once, a case at the beginning of the year. Allison. A woman who had been attacked and bit off her attacker's penis. The woman had been utterly alone, with no one there. Derek hadn't been able to imagine being alone at a time like that. He had people who loved him, who would be there. At the time, she could imagine it fully. She could imagine being alone and broken in a hospital bed and being completely okay with that, she supposed that made her a dark person. Now, though... she felt cheated with that realization that if she was run over with a car in the parking lot, she'd be alone. Pretty much, life sucked. Cristina would tell her she was dark and twisty and tired of hearing her whine. George would try and get her to stop thinking about. Izzie would throw around words like 'bastard'. And Meredith was going to be fine. She didn't need someone to love, or to love her. She was a grown woman, she was a Grey and just like her mother she would buck up and get through it and work and make a difference and do what mattered.

Meredith could feel someone standing in front of her and looked up from where she was tapping on the chart absentmindedly to find just the man that she'd been trying to avoid, for just another half and hour, just ONE half hour. Immediately, she pushed herself off of the gurney, her black and white sneakers squeaking on the floor. "Dr. Shepherd," She greeted him, her voice even as she spared him a glance before walking in the direction of the nurse's station.

	drgrey 2008-10-01 09:59 pm UTC (link)
	( And end scene? I'm going to head to bed, too. If you want to start another scene after you get out of class tomorrow, go ahead, if not I can or we can IM. It's whatev. ) (Reply to this) (Parent)